Eventually, you will be ready to begin dating again. It will feel strange and it is common to have some concerns. We asked our members what their main worries were about dating after their break-up, and there were a whole bunch of them ranging from being afraid of having sex, to finding a partner who will like their dog.
Here were the 10 most common.
- Am I ready?
Well done! It’s good that you are asking yourself this question. Click here for more questions to help you decide.
- I have forgotten how to do it
There’s no right or wrong (within reason). A date is just an opportunity for you to be yourself with someone else. Your date can expect no more of you.
- I have never done online dating
It may feel like a crazy new invention – or something exciting to try. There is little to be lost if you approach it with a good sense of humour, common sense and enthusiasm.
- I need to find the right one now as I am not getting any younger
Don’t try and rush your feelings. Are you clear what you are looking for in another person, and what you need to be happy? Taking time to consider what you need, should lead you to select a partner who is a good match for your needs.
- All the eligible people are in relationships, only weirdos are left
This is NOT true! Although you could say every single person is weird in one way or another. You will soon discover lots of people are starting again for all kinds or NORMAL and VALID reasons. And what does eligible mean anyway? Everyone has slightly different wants and needs!
- I can’t take being rejected
If you genuinely feel this fragile, maybe take some time before you start dating. Ask a suitable friend, family member or therapist to support you in building up your self-esteem.
- No one will fancy me. I am so old and my looks/ body are awful!
Many people lose their sexual confidence after a divorce. Some people feel less confident in their bodies than they once did.
A good tip is to work on your self-esteem and start a sexual relationship when you feel confident and desirable. You are likely to fancy people not just for their looks. Make sure you remember everything that you have to offer.
- Am I expected to have sex on the first date?
It’s a common misconception that you are expected to have sex on the first date. Rest assured – you should have sex when you feel comfortable. A wise colleague once said to me ‘make friends before you make love’.
- Dating makes me miss my ex
This is a fairly normal experience, especially if you meet some people who don’t feel like a good fit for you. Make a list of why your ex was not suitable for you and a list of what you are looking for. This should help you to focus on why you should move forward instead of looking backwards.
- How will my children take it?
Make sure that you allow your children enough time to grieve and adapt to your new situation. Before you introduce your children to a new partner, wait a sensible amount of time to understand and trust the person you are dating.
Did you experience any different concerns? How did you move on and start dating again? Please do share your thoughts and insights.?
Dr Isabelle Hung is a co-founder of divorceclub.com and clinical psychologist. Having got through her own divorce just three years ago, she is now remarried and happy to report that divorce really is an opportunity for growth and positive change.